January 2012
2 posts
Another jab at me
Every hurtful word u say is like a jab in my chest.
Pretty soon I will bless out from all the jabs you insist on putting me through.
Pretty soon I will be gone.
Pretty soon I will be able to take my self out of this equation.
You will finally be able to live the life you have always wanted.
The life you think you deserve.
Who am I to disagree.
I don’t have the right to say what you...
My best friend
I cover my wrist.
Just don’t I see what scars could be there
What scars would be there if I didn’t find people who r my support
The scars r still there
You just can’t see them
The scars of my past
Witten in my eyes and could have been on my skin if not for her taking the blade
My best friend
Saved me more then once
Wouldn’t be here with out her
December 2011
10 posts
If he bet threatens my life and makes me feel like my life in jeopardy I will kill his ass sure as shit. I don’t give a shit that he is supposed to be my father. Don’t fuck with me.
see me through. dedicated to my family in the...
wish i couldn’t feel.
all this depression
sends me through a loop
one minute im good and the next….
not so much.
dont want the pills
make you feel like your not there
cant stand the downs
its always on my mind
cant seem to get away from it
self medication
what saves me
what saves us all
just have to know when the self medication becomes worse then the actual depression
...
Caged
Such rage
So young but filled with so much hate.
I have so much contempt for you yet you fail to see it.
If you bothered to look at me then you’d see the fire in my eyes.
Every time you come around I feel a little more hate towards you.
All the pent up anger and rage makes me feel like I’m on fire.
I wish you would open your eyes and see the havoc you cause.
See the fire in my...
making waves
i feel my self going down
like i am sinking into oblivian
how i wish that was the case
sadly it isnt
im just all over the place
like a tornado my emotions are destroying me
from the inside out
i need some stability
my emotions
all over the place.
i have to watch what i say.
watch what i do
so i dont offend you.
this is the only place i dont have to watch my self.
im so tired.
whats...
Humanity
When rationality is gone
And all you can think about is survival
You become the animal that you most feared
When your humanity is gone
And all you want is revenge
For the pain that was caused
That you can’t seem to let go
Your humanity dissipates
All that drives you is fear
All you want is revenge for the bad that was done to you
The hurt and pain consumes you
Causes you to lose yourself...
Unser my own thumb
All this pain I have inside
All the anger I keep bottled up
All the pent up rage i don’t let other see
You caused it
I have no release
I can’t truly let it go
I need to be on my own
Only rely on my self
Only worry about my problems
Only have the stress related to me
Not all your drama
Not all your problems you caused your self
Not all your stress you think you have a right to...
Bat shit crazy
I’m tired of you getting in my face,
Throwing your fist around like your going leave marks.
What gives you the right to wake up at 1am and threaten me.
Telling me I’m a bastard.
Telling me im nothing.
As if my self worth isn’t already low enough.
You always manage to tear me apart mentally and emotionally with your words.
All that is left is for you to physically put marks...
Therapy
Therapy
Such a simple term
Yet such a big part of some peoples lives
Therapy
Everyone needs it
In some way or another
Some of us more then others
I think that most of us just need to have someone to talk to that we can trust to help us work out our past and present so that our future maybe better.
If you want to call that therapy then yeah all of need a little every now and them.
Pain
I tried to throw in the towel once and I was saved.
Saved by god and helped by my “family”.
I thought I was trying to stop the pain.
O have since figured out I was just running.
That if I want to deal with all my pent up pain I have to face what is causing me problems head on.
And only then can I deal with it.
Next to me
There’s no rime to my reason,
No past to my future,
No right to my wrong,
Simply chaos is my life,
But my life is not in chaos,
I wish for love in this hate,
I wish for piece in this havoc,
I wish for time in this pace,
I wish for happiness in this depressed state,
I wish for you in this empty space,
Next to me to share in all pieces of my life,
And I wouldn’t have it anyway other...
November 2011
5 posts
Family of Choice
You burn your bridges,
what will you have left when im gone,
in this house all alone,
yet you drive me away,
and expect me to take it,
im not alone anymore,
i don’t have to deal with it on my own,
i have brothers and sisters who will help me cope,
i have found my self a family,
a family of my own choosing,
a family who will stand by me through thick and thin,
people who care about...
Older beyond their years
I see all these people
Walking around with their heads down
Walking around looking at the ground
Like they are waiting for it to all come down
They have the world on their shoulders
No time for themselves
Faced with the problems of the world
No time to chill
These kids grow up to be adults
Facing all the problems of the world at such a young age
Makes them old at such a young age
Watch me fall
These words
My words
My thoughts
Just trapped in my head
The what ifs and the have nots
My regrets and my hopes
My mistakes and my goals.
All trapped inside me
Nothing I write any more seems to sound write.
All these ideas floating around
I can’t seem to get them out fast enough.
Nothing seems to express how I am feeling at this exact moment.
How do I tell you…..
How do I express...
Gravity
Being buried alive.
Stuck in this hell.
This hell we call life.
Living where I don’t want to.
Seeing people I care about drifting.
Gravity is the only thing that has a hold on me.
Tired of the drama.
Tired of this life.
The only thing that sustains me is this.
Writing has become my outlet.
No more drugs so I’m forced to face this reality.
Day in and day out.
My family is...
What now
Alone in this world.
Yet surrounded by people.
Watching the seasons change.
Watching my days pass by.
My past is etched in me.
But that is not what is my influence.
I don’t hate others because u did me wrong.
I don’t even hate u.
I used to be Alone in this crowded room.
But only friends surround me now.
To bad u couldn’t be one of them.
To bad for you.
For I have...
October 2011
10 posts
Alone, and done
So alone
you left me with nothing
the memories just bring pain
i run, and i run,
yet you chase me
why wont you leave me
im dine with being alone
facing my memories alone
im going to shut off the memories
the only way i know how
im going to get high on life
and fuck you and all the drama you bring
when you see me you don’t know me
you don’t see me
im down with your drama
...
mistaken advantages
What gives you the right to take advantage
what makes you think i owe you
wasn’t it your job to raise me
why should i have to pay you back for doing your job
isn’t it enough that i pick up after you
isn’t it enough that i stood by you through thick and thin
why cant that be enough for you
your like my ball and chain
you keep me down with out even knowing it
you...
My own survival
It could of been us
we could of been happy
don’t i deserve to be happy
i guess i wasn’t good enough
now i have learned my lesson
don’t fall
because there wont be anyone to catch you
if i got one thing out of this
its that it hurts to fall
and when all the food is dont you realize what you have left
you left with out a goodbye
with out even saying yo wouldn’t be...
Blue Eyes
your eyes used to be so blue,
but now when i think back to you,
my heart splits in two.
why would you play these games,
when you knew you didnt feel the same.
didnt you know id break,
that youd break me in two.
im still picking up the pieces you left.
i would of thought you knew,
but i guess you couldnt see,
what your blue eyes caused in me.
your blue eyes still haunt me.
now i...
Self Hate
who did i think i was, liking Nicholas wasn’t right.
it is for the best that he doesnt want to be friends now.
after all i was just a friend because it was convenient for him at the time.
Danniell is my best friend but i know i am not hers which i can understand. who would want a loser for a best friend.
tear me to pieces
Every single day,
i find it hard to walk away,
you tore me up inside,
and you dont even realize,
I cant look away,
even though you cut me up inside.
you make me wanna cry.
i wanna walk away,
i find it hard to stay.
i look fine on the out side,
but you cut my heart in two.
you show up everywhere,
and i act like nothings wrong,
but you make a deeper cut in me.
your name is cut in my...
Every single day,
Its Over
I droped you ,
even though i still want you.
you dont want me,
so i have to get over your.
I have to let you go.
so i am going to let you go.
your my kryptonite,
you make my will crumble,
but im done with you.
wrote by me.
Putting my self back together
If i fall to pieces will you pick me up.
these pieces of me breaking off and floating down.
like the trees of fall.
will you replenish what i lose.
or will you leave me dry and brittle.
crumbling to pieces till i blow away.
My love for you has been my downfall, but no more.
Im down letting you hold me back.
Im going to live for me and only me.
I will put my self back together,
with will...
Your eyes, My eyes,
Your eyes. Windows to your soul. But if my eyes are the window to my soul does that mean you can see my pain. Better yet do you even bother to look into my eyes or do you hesitate out of fear as to what you might find. Or do you just not care enough to look at me. The real me. The me I can only hide from myself. And hide from those who don’t bother to see.
September 2011
1 post
are you a man now?
does it make you a man,
the way you act.
when you see her cry,
what does it do to you.
does it make you feel better about your self.
what does it do to you,
when you put your hands on her.
does it make you feel bigger.
didn’t she give you everything she had.
didn’t it make you feel proud to call her your daughter.
to tell people about her,
and the success she did,
...