whats inside

Every hurtful word u say is like a jab in my chest. Pretty soon I will bless out from all the jabs you insist on putting me through. Pretty soon I will be gone. Pretty soon I will be able to take my self out of this equation. You will finally be able to live the life you have always wanted. The life you think you deserve. Who am I to disagree. I don’t have the right to say what you deserve. So there for I will take my self out of the equation. Gone I will be from your life. I hope the life you think you want is the life you actually want when you get it. You won’t be able to go back to how it was. You decided thats the life you want so that’s what I will help to give you. Cheers to your new life filled with as much happiness as you can handle. Good luck to u dad.

I cover my wrist. Just don’t I see what scars could be there What scars would be there if I didn’t find people who r my support The scars r still there You just can’t see them The scars of my past Witten in my eyes and could have been on my skin if not for her taking the blade My best friend Saved me more then once Wouldn’t be here with out her

If he bet threatens my life and makes me feel like my life in jeopardy I will kill his ass sure as shit. I don’t give a shit that he is supposed to be my father. Don’t fuck with me.

wish i couldn’t feel.

all this depression

sends me through a loop

one minute im good and the next….

not so much.

dont want the pills

make you feel like your not there

cant stand the downs

its always on my mind

cant seem to get away from it

self medication

what saves me

what saves us all

just have to know when the self medication becomes worse then the actual depression

fighting for everyday

yet knowing deep down that the next day could be and probably will be worse.

i surround my self with family

those who know when i need them the most.

those who can see me through the pain and hurt

to the real me

to the person i am capable of being

those who help me through my hardest times even if they dont know it.

Such rage So young but filled with so much hate. I have so much contempt for you yet you fail to see it. If you bothered to look at me then you’d see the fire in my eyes. Every time you come around I feel a little more hate towards you. All the pent up anger and rage makes me feel like I’m on fire. I wish you would open your eyes and see the havoc you cause. See the fire in my eyes. You make me feel caged and I want out.

i feel my self going down

like i am sinking into oblivian

how i wish that was the case

sadly it isnt

im just all over the place

like a tornado my emotions are destroying me

from the inside out

i need some stability

my emotions

all over the place.

i have to watch what i say.

watch what i do

so i dont offend you.

this is the only place i dont have to watch my self.

im so tired.

whats inside me is killing me.

killing my sanity.

like a roller coaster

going up and down

and when i think i am about to get off this roller coaster

im taken for another loop.

which causes me to take another look

at this world i wish not to see in the first place.

thank god for friends.

it just sucks when you have to take their advice because you know he is right but you dont know how to.

well onto another day

onto another problem.

which i will deal with without offending anyone.

should i ask you if it will offend you before i say it.

should i ask before i type on here.

is this still a sacred place for me to release all my stress.

lets hope so for if it isnt then i am up a creak.

if you bothered to read this till the end.

dont say what you have just read.

dont like this if you can.

just let my words roll off you like waves on a shore.

When rationality is gone And all you can think about is survival You become the animal that you most feared When your humanity is gone And all you want is revenge For the pain that was caused That you can’t seem to let go Your humanity dissipates All that drives you is fear All you want is revenge for the bad that was done to you The hurt and pain consumes you Causes you to lose yourself All that is left of you is a trembling ghost of what you were What you could of been

Letting the pain go and remembering who you are The only things that can save you Let the blood thirst go Let the need for revenge evaporate Forgive those who have trespassed against you but never forget With forgiveness comes the strength to move on and survive But never forget

All this pain I have inside All the anger I keep bottled up All the pent up rage i don’t let other see

You caused it I have no release I can’t truly let it go I need to be on my own Only rely on my self Only worry about my problems Only have the stress related to me

Not all your drama Not all your problems you caused your self Not all your stress you think you have a right to make me shoulder

I need out of this house I feel like I’m being buried alive under all your clutter I need a way to support my self To be able to pay for my needs and not ask you for a dime

When I am no longer here Don’t call me Don’t stop by Don’t ask about me Because you make it clear that I am not worth supporting

When I am gone don’t sit by your phone because I won’t call I won’t ask for a dime from you Not a penny Because I refuse to be under your thumb after I finally get out

I’m tired of you getting in my face, Throwing your fist around like your going leave marks. What gives you the right to wake up at 1am and threaten me. Telling me I’m a bastard. Telling me im nothing. As if my self worth isn’t already low enough. You always manage to tear me apart mentally and emotionally with your words. All that is left is for you to physically put marks on me. But your too much of a bully for that. You know if you leave one mark on me your ass will be in a sling so you revert to the mental games you play. As if I wasn’t already bad enough with my bat shit craziness already. You just have to add more to my plate. My plate is full so handle your own shit and stay out of my face you two faced backstabbing asshole.

Therapy Such a simple term Yet such a big part of some peoples lives Therapy Everyone needs it In some way or another Some of us more then others I think that most of us just need to have someone to talk to that we can trust to help us work out our past and present so that our future maybe better. If you want to call that therapy then yeah all of need a little every now and them.